Since I last posted my Dad sadly passed away. It was sudden so it felt like he was just ripped out of my life. Even though I think of death as a natural part of life similar to birth, it is an odd feeling when someone who loves you more than anyone else on the entire planet... is gone. It can leave a void. At least it has for me. My Dad was a large presence in my life. In the 2 months that he has been gone so far there have been dozens of things I wanted to tell him or share with him but sadly can not. I am still processing it.
I have been feeling as if I am rearranging inside. My thoughts and feelings about life, death and beliefs are like wisps of smoke swirling in the air around me. Now more than ever before I am struck by how important it is to really consider how I am spending my life. My moments, my hours and my days. What? Who? Where? Why? Have I been being who I want to be? Have I been doing what I want to do? Have I been spending time with those who really matter? Am I learning, sharing, experiencing and expressing enough? This is what I am currently sitting with.
I have always considered myself a spiritual person, as have those around me. Once upon a time I thought I was so certain of my beliefs and of my understanding of the mysterious ways of the Universe and I allowed that to guide my life. Lately however I have not been feeling certain which has been making me feel like I am in an uncomfortable limbo. Like I am lost in the woods going around in circles, unable to find my direction. Recently when talking with a family member about this I ended up referring to myself as an "agnostic druid" when describing how I feel (which I did end up 'googling' out of curiosity and it turns out that it is already a thing, a term being used. Don't ask me why I was surprised, there seems to be little or no original thought any more. Lol!). As a result of these feelings I ceased daily connection with what I consider to be a "higher power". As a result I have been unable to sense the magic inside me and around me and I don't like how that feels. So I have begun to quietly gather the remnants of what still feels right and have been resuming some of my practices that I know and love. Thankfully what I do still believe with all of my being is that my bridge to God/Goddess/Great Spirit/The Universe (all names and ideas I have applied throughout my spiritual journey) has always been Nature and its cycles.
So...looking to Nature right around me, a family of Starlings recently took up residence in our backyard. Two adults with five juveniles that chatter at them all day asking for food. Being a bird parent is hard work! I say this with some measure of experience because I often care for the baby birds that are brought into the bird rehab center where I work. It has been interesting observing them. Both the patient parents and the enthusiastic youngsters. It also made me think of my Dad and what he taught me to help prepare me for life.
That breadcrumb lead me to bring out my Druid Plant Oracle Deck. After shuffling thoroughly I drew a card that carries a message regarding what I most need to know at this time. That card was 'Puffball'...
"Mushrooms are symbols of the Inner Mysteries: they are connected beneath the ground in vast networks.They grow in darkness and perform the alchemy of turning dead matter into new life." (Druid Plant Oracle guidebook)
A message that very much resonated with me. There are parts of me that feel like they are decaying and dying while new parts of me feel like bright green shoots poking up through the soil reaching for the light. I have been laying low and seeking more solace so I can better connect with my inner realm. I am naturally quite an introvert any way so this is not a stretch for me.
We'll see what continues to unfold.
I have been feeling as if I am rearranging inside. My thoughts and feelings about life, death and beliefs are like wisps of smoke swirling in the air around me. Now more than ever before I am struck by how important it is to really consider how I am spending my life. My moments, my hours and my days. What? Who? Where? Why? Have I been being who I want to be? Have I been doing what I want to do? Have I been spending time with those who really matter? Am I learning, sharing, experiencing and expressing enough? This is what I am currently sitting with.
I have always considered myself a spiritual person, as have those around me. Once upon a time I thought I was so certain of my beliefs and of my understanding of the mysterious ways of the Universe and I allowed that to guide my life. Lately however I have not been feeling certain which has been making me feel like I am in an uncomfortable limbo. Like I am lost in the woods going around in circles, unable to find my direction. Recently when talking with a family member about this I ended up referring to myself as an "agnostic druid" when describing how I feel (which I did end up 'googling' out of curiosity and it turns out that it is already a thing, a term being used. Don't ask me why I was surprised, there seems to be little or no original thought any more. Lol!). As a result of these feelings I ceased daily connection with what I consider to be a "higher power". As a result I have been unable to sense the magic inside me and around me and I don't like how that feels. So I have begun to quietly gather the remnants of what still feels right and have been resuming some of my practices that I know and love. Thankfully what I do still believe with all of my being is that my bridge to God/Goddess/Great Spirit/The Universe (all names and ideas I have applied throughout my spiritual journey) has always been Nature and its cycles.
So...looking to Nature right around me, a family of Starlings recently took up residence in our backyard. Two adults with five juveniles that chatter at them all day asking for food. Being a bird parent is hard work! I say this with some measure of experience because I often care for the baby birds that are brought into the bird rehab center where I work. It has been interesting observing them. Both the patient parents and the enthusiastic youngsters. It also made me think of my Dad and what he taught me to help prepare me for life.
(4 of the 5 Starling fledglings)
Being the curious soul that I am I looked up 'Starlings' in my "Birds: A Spiritual Field Guide" by Arin Murphy Hiscock. Her ideas about Starlings as messengers speak of communication, socializing and isolation. She also writes that Starlings may have been one of the most beloved birds of the Druids and also that the name for Starling in both Scottish and Irish gaelic is 'Druid'.
That breadcrumb lead me to bring out my Druid Plant Oracle Deck. After shuffling thoroughly I drew a card that carries a message regarding what I most need to know at this time. That card was 'Puffball'...
"Mushrooms are symbols of the Inner Mysteries: they are connected beneath the ground in vast networks.They grow in darkness and perform the alchemy of turning dead matter into new life." (Druid Plant Oracle guidebook)
A message that very much resonated with me. There are parts of me that feel like they are decaying and dying while new parts of me feel like bright green shoots poking up through the soil reaching for the light. I have been laying low and seeking more solace so I can better connect with my inner realm. I am naturally quite an introvert any way so this is not a stretch for me.
We'll see what continues to unfold.
Be a Reflection of the Beauty and Magic of Nature.
★ ☾ ✿ ☮
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